When the chips start whispering… it’s already too late.
There comes a moment in every self-healing journey where discipline alone is no longer enough. You’ve journaled. You’ve hydrated. You’ve meditated.
But deep in your gut—below the abs you still haven’t met—there’s something else.
It’s not hunger.
It’s not a craving.
It’s a f*cking demon.
And it must be cleansed.
👿 The Possession Begins…
Day Four started normal enough: a deep breath, a cold shower, and a watermelon wedge like a warrior’s breakfast.
But by 11:14 AM, I heard it.
“Hey. Remember nachos?”
That’s when I realized it wasn’t me thinking. It was the voice of the Craving Demon—smooth, sultry, manipulative.
“Just one little snack. A clean cheat. A crunchy treat.”
I tried to exorcise it with a carrot stick.
The demon laughed.
I tried to affirm myself in the mirror.
It fogged up… with the smell of garlic bread.
💥 The Snackxorcism Ritual
You can’t reason with the demon. You must confront it.
So I did what any slightly unstable adult on a watermelon cleanse would do:
I performed a Snackxorcism.
Here’s how it went down:
Step 1: Name the Demon
Mine is called Crunchifer, Lord of Regret.
He wears a cape made of Dorito dust and whispers lies like,
“You’ll never be enough without cheese.”
Step 2: Speak the Truth Aloud
I shouted into the mirror:
“I do not need flavor to feel loved!”
“Your lies are low-cal and unsatisfying!”
“I am not possessed—I’m just bored and slightly horny!”
Step 3: Sweat It Out
10 jumping jacks.
12 angry push-ups.
1 primal scream into a watermelon rind.
The demon weakened.
🙏 The Aftermath
After the sweat, the scream, and the snack battle royal in my subconscious, there was silence.
A strange peace.
My body… didn’t crave.
My mind… didn’t spiral.
And the chips? They didn’t speak.
The Snackxorcism had worked.
For now.
🧃 Final Thoughts
Food addiction is not just about food. It’s ritual. Emotion. Identity. Trauma. Escape.
And sometimes, the only way out is to fight back with absurdity.
Laugh at it. Name it. Scream at it in the mirror.
Just don’t let it win.
You are not weak.
You are not fluffy.
You are a snack warrior.
